John Louis (grail76) wrote in dominant_ideas,
John Louis

Polar images of D&s

I have two polar images of the D&s experience.

Image one: Cherished pet / show animal.

Image two: Whorish Slut, worthless being only valued if at all for how they are used.

I was talking with G some years back and I showed her a picture of a ponygirl. She had a thing for tails. We talked about it more and she came up with this summary, "I want to be a pet. Horses work."

That summarized things for her. She was sexually submissive, but did have a highly specific image of it. When we were together she would follow the rote;
What are you? a slave
Who's are you? Yours, master.
What does that mean? you can do anything with me list of examples followed.

But she was clearly valued for this. I touched her, massaged her, cuddled her for after care and kissed her.

Leashes were a sign she'd given up more control. So were collars. They never said, "You're not a person anymore." I kept an eye on how far I'd pushed her. I made a point of not letting things get out of control, of keeping her safe.
She liked me to take control, deciding what to feed her, what she'd wear, when she was permitted to use the toilet, when she was able to cum.
One day I mentioned she growled when she was in bed with me. She blushed and insisted she'd never done that before.

I met Joy online a few years ago. We've met. She has different images. She wants to be used as well, but not by a lover, she wants to be used up. Her images include name calling. Her recurrent fantasy, and to hear her tell it, she's managed to fulfill it from time to time, is groups of men who use her in objectifying ways.

She tops from below to the extent that she really wants to switch a scene from what her top may want to these gangbang type images. She prompts names for her to be called. This topping from below weakens her enjoyment of what happens because she's had such a hand in choreographing it. This is important to understand Joy, but isn't essential for the submissive as degraded image that many seek.

Some are lucky enough to have found a top who understands this and who knows how to treat them to excite them the most. Others become smart assed masochists and draw more insults, harsher treatment, less control from their partners.

The question comes to tops and bottoms; What do you want the dynamics of a relationship to be? The dynamics of the well cared for pet? or the dynamics of a combination prison and boot camp?
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wow good post. the dynamics of my relationship...I like a little mix of both. The sub I am currently talking too, is very much a masochist, doesn't like to be humiliated, but at the same time needs that 'boot camp' atmosphere at times. In just the short amount of time we have been talking, I know what really gets him going and that's good. He is like the perfect match for what I've always wanted in a submissive...masochistic, open, sexually adventurous, I often think he is what I was trying to get the submissive I owned previously to be. (he's not nor could he ever be to the extent this boy is now). I have a few confidence issues right now, but chris as really managed to make my stand up and be who I want and should be with him. :)
i have a smart ass masochist. he is my pet, and i love him dearly. but my goddess, is he a brat. i'm working on training him, he wears my collar, and is leashed frequently. agreeing with laloca, i also have some confidence issues, but those are resolved with the training. i think that once you have a pet trained, all confidence issues go away because you have someone willing to do anything for you. and they belong to you. we are currently working with a training collar, and i know what gets him going, i know that he likes bondage, and any form of being tied up. its almost a religion for him. its painful when i undo the restraints. but, as i said, he is still a SAM. he will always be a brat. now, we work on trying to make him be a brat when i dont mind it. he knows that i love him more then anything, and am fully devoted to him. and, thus, is happy.
the best thing for any relationship, especially D/s, is communication. i'm only been a Dom for about 6 months, but we've had our mistakes and we've had our problems. it will happen, its not normal if it doesnt. you have to be able to work thru them. and then its the most wonderful thing ever.
i'm not sure if this answers your question, if it does, cool. if not, sorry... good luck, i guess tho.